#28 Backstory of the Poem “Two Deaths” by connie Post
Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final form? The idea came to me when my father died (in May.) He was my abuser. Less than thirty days prior, my true mother died suddenly at age 80. By that I mean, not my biological mother. For some background, when I was 18, I left my home into the arms of my then boyfriend (who became my first husband). I left home for good. This woman took me in when I had nowhere to go. Even though my marriage ended many years later, she and I remained close until the day she died. She was the only mother I’ve ever known since age 18.
My biological mother was very abusive and stood by my father. I was stunned into a peculiar stillness when my father died. Not that I was surprised he died, but at waterfall of negative emotions that were flowing out (even after years of therapy) and more sadness than I knew a person could have. Within about three days of my dad’s death, I felt completely lost. The only true mother I’d ever known was gone, my abuser father was gone, and the world felt very different to me. Suddenly it struck me that I ran from him to her and those two book ends in my life were gone. I realized I had to find a new way to be in the world and how I perceived it. I lost both a mother cocooning security and my terror all in one month.
When I write poems, the lines or metaphor always pop into my head first then I write from that place. It was one of those mid-day occurrences when I realize the continuum of loss. As I started to write ( I wrote the first stanza first) , the image of a mountain and geology came to me so I succumbed to that metaphor to see where it took me. I didn’t add the “broken” part until the end. I didn’t see the mountain as broken until I wrote most of the poem. Since I can at times feel very lonely, I imagined someone starting out on their own in the wilderness. I picked and pulled images about camping and being lost and wove them in where appropriate. I used the “heaviest” gear to invoke the idea of leaving the hardest memories behind to get to a safer place. I had other stanzas after the “the next foothold” (I don’t remember what they were) but decided I wanted to leave the poem dangling, as a foot, to imply an open idea to the resolution of this kind of loss. (LEFT: Connie’s mother Rita in August 2016.)
Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great detail. I wrote this poem in my office. This is the place I write most of my poems. I write mostly on my desk top. I have a large wooden desk in front of a large window. In mid morning, I pull the blind down because the sun glare is too strong on my computer screen.
I have two dogs who sit next to me in the office. The sounds of their panting makes a peaceful space for me.A times (depending on my mood) I put on piano music. It helps to open up a specific creative space in my brain. There is a carpet in the room that has too much dog hair on it. My husband shares a desk on the other wall. His desk is smaller and has papers scattered about. To the right of my desk is a tall bookshelf and then a cabinet with old DVDs and videos in it. (I won’t get ride of the VHS videos which is a point of contention in our house). The second bookshelf has a stack of CD’s and then two shelves of all the journals that I’ve been published in. Below that, binders and files of poems I’ve written. The poems are all in alphabetical order. The office has a bulletin board of writing quotes and pictures of family and photos of writing events. There are also two dog pillows and various golf pictures of my husband’s.
How many drafts of this poem did you write before going to the final? (And can you share a photograph of your rough drafts with pen markings on it?) I wrote only 2 drafts. I most often edit on line and don’t usually keep previous drafts. It muddies the waters for me
What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? That we can be lost and saved within the most difficult times of our lives. That we can wander and feel that we are dangling but eventually we can find a way out. That death is inevitable. The death of one person is connected to the death of others in inexplicable ways.
Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why? The most emotional part was the first line. It was hard for me to believe that two people that represented such extreme experiences in my life died within the same month. It was an avalanche of mixed emotions to cope with.
Has this poem been published before? And if so where? This poem was published in January 2018 Mocking Heart Review. https://mockingheartreview.com
Anything you would like to add? If I didn’t have poetry during times of loss and confusion, I am not sure how I would find solace of meaning.
Backstory of the Poem Series
001 Backstory of the Poem
“12 – 2014” from the poetry collection BEFORE THE DROUGHT by Margo Berdeshevsky published by Glass Lyre Press on September 15, 2017
#002 Backstory of the Poem
“82 Miles from the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake Café”
by Alexis Rhone Fancher
#003 Backstory of the Poem
“Orange”
by Barbara Crooker
https://christalcooper.com/003-backstory-of-the-poem-orange-by-barbara-crooker/
#004 Backstory of the Poem
“Modern Matsushima”
by Sonia Saikaley
https://christalcooper.com/004-backstory-of-the-poem-modern-matsushima-by-sonia-saikaley/
#005 Backstory of the Poem
“Side Yard”
By Ellen Foos
http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/01/5-backstory-of-poem-sidewalk-by-ellen.html
#006 Backstory of the Poem
“The Ringmaster”
By Susan Sundwall
https://christalcooper.com/006-backstory-of-the-poem-the-ringmaster/
#007 Backstory of the Poem
“That Night”
by Leslea Newman
https://christalcooper.com/007-backstory-of-the-poem-that-night-by-leslea-newman/
#008 Backstory of the Poem
“June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”
by Alexis Rhone Fancher
#009 Backstory of the Poem
“The Gift of the Year with Granny”
By Charles Clifford Brooks III
#010 Backstory of the Poem
“The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”
by Scott Thomas Outlar
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/chris-ricecooper-caccoopaol.html
#011 Backstory of the Poem
“After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”
by Anya Francesca Jenkins
#012 Backstory of the Poem
“What I Learned This Week”
By Angela Narciso Torres
#013 Backstory of the Poem
“Holidays On ICE”
By Jan Steckel
https://christalcooper.com/013-backstory-of-the-poem-holiday-on-ice-by-jan-steckel/
#014 Backstory of the Poem
“Colors”
by Ibrahim Honjo
https://christalcooper.com/014-backstory-of-the-poem-colors-by-ibrahim-honjo/
#015 Backstory of the Poem
“Ode To Disappointment”
By Marilyn Kallett
https://christalcooper.com/015-backstory-of-the-poem-ode-to-disappointment-by-marilyn-kallet/
#016 Backstory of the Poem
“Reliquary”
by Beth Copeland
#017 Backstory of the Poem
‘The Swallows of Barcelona”
by Marlon L. Fick
https://christalcooper.com/17-backstory-of-the-poem-the-swallows-of-barcelona-by-marlon-fick/
#18th Backstory of the Poem
“Arterial Discombobulation”
by Juliet Cook
#19th Backstory of the Poem
“Stiletto Killer . . . A Surmise” from the poetry collection ENTER HERE
By Alexis Rhone Fancher
#20 Backstory of the Poem
“At Last I Can Start Suffering”
By Charles Rammelkamp
#21 Backstory of the Poem
“Wind Chimes”
by Marla Shaw O’Neil
#022 Backstory of the Poem
“Studying Ariel”
by Julia Gordon-Bramer
https://christalcooper.com/22-backstory-of-the-poem-studying-ariel-by-julia-gordon-bramer/
#023 Backstory of Poem
“Jesus Zombie”
by Bill Yarrow
https://christalcooper.com/23-backstory-of-the-poem-jesus-zombie-by-bill-yarrow/
#24 Backstory of the Poem
“Brag 2016:
by Telaina Eriksen
#025 Backstory of the Poem
“It is only Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”
by Seth Berg
#26 Backstory of the Poem
“Devil In the Details”
by David Herrle
https://christalcooper.com/26-backstory-of-the-poem-devil-in-the-details-by-david-herrle/
#27 Backstory of the Poem
“Carmen Polo, Lady Necklaces, 2017”
by Gloria Mindock